Here’s a suggestion for Product Managers that would like to communicate more effectively in meetings:
Record one of your meetings that you find especially challenging.
Then, watch the recording back and take notes on what you see.
Ask yourself, what did you do well? What can you do better next time, and how?
If you’re like almost every single human being I’ve ever met, the idea of doing this is pretty intimidating.
Kermit the frog does NOT want to watch himself facilitating this week’s stakeholder sync.
We hate watching or hearing ourselves. But there can be a great deal of value in this exercise. In this article I explore the benefits, the psychological challenges, and the practicalities of recording & reviewing your own meetings.
I first encountered the idea when watching Bill Gates speak about teachers using lesson recordings as a feedback mechanism. In his talk, he shares an interview with a teacher using the method. She explains that teaching is more than the theory it’s based on: “There is a difference between the abstract (of teaching)… and the concrete reality of it.” Later, she articulates the value of watching lesson recordings: “Video exposes so much of what’s intrinsic to us as teachers, in ways that help us learn and understand.”
Of course, teaching isn’t the only profession with a vast gap between theory and reality. So much of Product Management is difficult to boil down to theory alone. As a Product Coach I know my most impactful work is not helping Product Managers learn the textbook. It’s helping people untangle real situations and influence the people around them.
So it felt logical to try out the same method for Product Managers, too. It’s a tool I’ve been experimenting with since, both for myself, and with my coachees.
Here are some reasons to try it out for yourself.
Benefit 1: Reading the room
We all know the feeling of a meeting careering wildly off the track. People talk past one another, as they incorrectly assume they’re working from the same page. Or as half the room is missing critical context, so confusion slowly takes over. Or someone important asks something unexpected, and receives a defensive reaction that’s hard to walk back from.
We might know these experiences, but we don’t always appreciate the dynamics at play. In the high stakes of a meeting, we often slip into survival mode, and lose track of what’s happening around us.
Watching a recording back, you have the chance to revisit what happened. You can see the early moments when conversation started to unravel. You can better spot disengagement, confusion, or defensive behaviour. And you can understand the connection between all these events. All of which can help you navigate similar challenges in future.
Benefit 2: Understand how you come across
I believe a lot of poor communication comes from misunderstanding how others perceive us.
Think of it like learning to do a handstand. When people learn handstands, it’s common for them to lean over to one side. But the problem isn’t so much that they lean to the left, it’s that they don’t know they’re leaning. They may even falsely perceive they’re leaning to the right, and they’re trying to correct it, hence the misalignment to the left! So to master a handstand, they need more accurate self-perception first, to enable them to make the appropriate correction.
Now, hopefully you’re not leaning over so much in meetings you’re falling over. But similar self-perception is at work, for better or worse, when we decide how to communicate.
An example of this in action is the “Pushover Product Manager”. I see this quite often in coaching, but I know it from even earlier. That’s because, once upon a time, I myself was the Pushover Product Manager. I was too polite and avoided of conflict. I failed to stand up for myself, and it held me back. But the funny thing is, I didn’t see it that way; I worried constantly that I was too outspoken or aggressive, despite being far from it. I acted too nice because I falsely thought that I was too nasty. This is a weird paradox of self-awareness. Our internal image is often the opposite of what others perceive, because we fixate on correcting it.
Even if the idea is a little mind-bending, the underlying advice is simple. To become a better communicator, start by seeking out quality feedback. Video is a great way to challenge your misconceptions. (Even though it’s not perfect – more on that later!)
Benefit 3: Identify your strengths
The first time I tried this exercise on myself, I reviewed a call that I thought I had totally flunked. I expected to hear unconvincing, unprepared and unfocused answers. I was pleasantly surprised. Even when thinking on my feet, I gave structured answers with a clear direction. Yes, there were plenty of things I found to work on from that call. But I learnt that I can speak with clarity under pressure, even when my inner critic is telling me otherwise.
I had one coachee realise that they were deeply knowledgeable about their product domain, and that their colleagues looked up to them for it, far more than they had realised. Another coachee was surprised to observe how calmly they stepped into the role of diffusing conflict.
When you’ve spent decades being human, it’s easy to take yourself for granted. You may not appreciate the things you’re good at, or how you stand out in a conversation, for the same reason you don’t pay deep attention to your breathing. These things became part of who you are! And this exercise can reveal those very strengths that you’ve been taking for granted.
Beware the tricks of the mind
Having explained some of the benefits of the exercise, it’s only fair that I highlight two important psychological hurdles we encounter when watching recordings of ourselves.
The first is the familiarity principle: we tend to prefer people, faces and sounds when we are familiar with them.
Consider this 1977 study in which researchers asked participants to look at two photos of friends, and indicate which they preferred. Both photos were identical, except one was the original, and the other was a mirror image (horizontally flipped). As predicted by the familiarity principle, people preferred the original photo of their friends. But the fascinating twist came when people were shown photos of themselves instead. Then, they preferred to see their mirror image! After all, that’s what they were familiar with: seeing themselves in the mirror.
As a result of this effect, it can be jarring to see yourself in a video, in the way others see you. It’s similarly off-putting to hear yourself speak, as your own voice sounds deeper inside your head than it does in the real world. The recording is close, but not quite close enough.
A second challenge is confirmation bias. We tend to look for information that will confirm our prior beliefs, positive or negative. Evaluating a video of yourself is no different. Although the video can help you correct misconceptions, these misconceptions will also influence your interpretation. In short – there’s no such thing as an objective view.
Together, the familiarity principle and confirmation bias can cause us to be overly critical. What can you do about it? Here are a few practical tips:
When reviewing, always start by noting the positives you see.
It sounds odd, but try to give yourself constructive criticism! That’s to say: rather than noting what you did wrong, give yourself advice on how to do better in future.
If you can, flip your video into a mirror image.
When it comes to your own interpretation, take it with a pinch of salt. If in doubt, ask for a second opinion from a trusted colleague or mentor. And remember, this exercise is only one part of our personal development. Just like when we validate our hypotheses, we shouldn’t rely on a single data point.
Repeat the exercise to become more familiar with watching yourself back. Ultimately, it becomes better with practice.
How to record a meeting
Technically speaking, recording is now relatively easy, especially with remote meetings. Video call products like Zoom and Teams have built-in recording functionality, and for those that don’t, you can try screen recorders such as OBS.
If you’d prefer to record an in-person meeting, you have two options: video or audio-only. Video will naturally capture more information, which can be invaluable as facial expressions, body movement and posture are critical elements of communication.
However, there are drawbacks to video. The presence of a physical camera is distracting, strongly influences people’s behaviour, and is simply harder to get willing consent for. Furthermore, wherever you point that lens, your framing is going to emphasise some things and miss others.
In any case, whether you go remote or in-person, whether you record video or record audio: they are all valid ways to capture a meeting to review later.
How to gain consent
To get the obvious part out the way first: you should always get your colleagues' consent before recording them. But this raises a thorny question. How do you explain what you’re doing, and convince them it’s a good idea? I recommend the following guidelines.
First, prepare in advance. Write down your own reasoning in as simple terms as possible: what do you want to do and why? Aim for 5 sentences or fewer. You don’t need to memorise what you write. Rather, the goal here is to clarify your thinking first.
Second, speak honestly. If you’re doing this exercise, it’s because you want to improve. So tell them that! People like to help others. And your honesty is not just persuasive: it sends a signal that you are trustworthy, open to feedback, and invested in your own development.
Finally, respect the individual. Ask for consent in advance of the meeting. Give them the chance to respond individually, rather than in a group setting. And if they have an objection, listen to them. It’s not just respectful: it gives you a better chance to understand their needs and address them.
Give it a go!
Reviewing one of your own meetings is a great way to improve your communication, gather feedback, and understand group dynamics.
So, take a deep breath and press record. I’m interested to hear what you find.
— Shaun