As a Product Coach, I help people learn a wide variety of skills. Almost every day and every client is different.
But there are some recurring themes that seem to come up no matter the topic. One of those is conflict.
Our relationship with conflict impacts everything we do, from product discovery, to stakeholder management, product ownership, and self improvement. All these skills have a low ceiling if you're not able to recognise and reckon with conflict.
What is a Conflict Matrix?
The Conflict Matrix is a tool I developed to help people reflect on the problems they face.
It looks like this.
Problems are organised by their importance (in rows) and what I call your ‘conflict position’: 100% passive, somewhat passive, or active (in columns).
When we have unresolved conflicts, they tend to emerge in the top left, where major problems remain unspoken and unsolved. Here there is a huge gap between what we are doing, and what we really feel.
The tool does not prescribe any actions. Instead, it highlights the most difficult topics, and invites you to reassess your stance on them. The ultimate aim is to improve your self-reflection.
How do I make a Conflict Matrix?
The exercise takes approximately 1 hour.
You need a pen, a timer, and post-its. (Digital whiteboards such as Miro or Mural work well too.)
It's best done in a quiet, comfortable environment, without distractions. I encourage you to use a booked meeting room, or do the exercise outside the office, so you don’t worry that someone could be looking over your shoulder. This way, you are less likely to “edit” your thoughts.
Step 1: Generate Problem Statements
For each set of questions below, take 5 minutes to answer them. You should write 1 challenge/answer per post-it, and use a different colour post-it for each set of questions (this will help you analyse later).
As a rule of thumb, more is better. Don't worry if an answer feels irrational, poorly worded, or something you would not admit to colleagues. If you think it, write it down.
If you run out of answers within 5 minutes, then move onto the next category and restart the timer.
Set A: Product Perspective
Imagine you are one year into the future, and your Product has become a huge success. What challenges did you overcome in that year, to make that happen?
What is the most likely reason why your product could fail?
What are customers saying about your product behind your back?
Set B: Organisation Perspective
What organisational problems are preventing you from succeeding?
What are the challenges that your organisation has, but nobody talks about?
What struck you as worrying during your first week in your job?
Set C: Your Perspective
Imagine you are 3 years into the future, and you are the best Product Manager you could be. What weaknesses did you address, to achieve that?
What challenges would you like your line manager to support you more with?
What are your biggest obstacles to being a better Product Manager or Owner?
Step 2: Rate Importance
For each post-it, assign one of the following levels:
Critical. This problem must be addressed, otherwise me or my product cannot succeed.
Very Important. If this problem is not addressed, my product is significantly less likely to succeed, or I am significantly less likely to succeed.
Less Important. If this problem is not addressed, my product is somewhat less likely to succeed, or I am somewhat less likely to succeed.
If the problem doesn't matter at all, to you or your product, you can discard the post-it. You can also discard any duplicates.
If you are unsure when deciding between two levels, choose the highest level the post-it matches. For example, if a problem is critical for you, but less important for the product, you should assign it to critical.
Step 3: Identify Your ‘CONFLICT POSITION’
For any problem you face, you assess the position (or attitude) you have taken towards it. Roughly speaking, you can classify your position as either Active or Passive.
You can identify your position with 2 tests. First, consider whether your opinion on the problem is known to others that can help address the problem (e.g. your line manager). Secondly, you should assess whether you are doing anything specific to address the problem yourself.
For each post-it, assign one of the following levels:
Active. My opinion on this problem is known to others and I am doing something specific to address it.
Somewhat Passive. My opinion on this problem is known to others or I am doing something specific to address it. (Not both!)
100% Passive. My position on this problem is unknown to others and I am not doing anything specific to address it.
If there is nothing you or any of your colleagues could reasonably do to address the problem, you can discard the post-it.
If you are unsure when deciding between two levels, choose the lowest level the post-it matches. For example, if you feel your opinion is not clearly expressed, or you are trying to address the problem but with no specific action, you should assign it to somewhat passive.
With each post-it rated by importance and your position, lay them out in a 3x3 matrix, as shown in the first image.
Step 4: Review Your Matrix
Reflect on your Conflict Matrix:
Consider problems towards the top left of the matrix. Are there recurring conflicts which you are passive towards? How does this compare to the challenges you are addressing?
What does your matrix tell you about how you handle conflict?
Identify which problems you would like to take a more active position towards. What specific actions can you take to address these challenges?
If you feel it would be useful, you can also share what you found with your line manager or colleagues, as a basis for discussion. (You may need to filter out some sensitive topics first.)
Finally, I recommend to take a photo of your matrix. Then when you repeat the exercise later, you can compare your results to the previous round.
Good luck!
I encourage you to experiment with this how you see fit, learn from the exercise, and build this kind of reflection into your everyday work.
The underlying concept can also be tried in other contexts: whether untangling a specific project, a complicated stakeholder relationship, or even looking beyond the domain of product management.
I love to hear about people using this tool. If you have any feedback, or would like to share your experience, reach out in the comments below, or using my contact form.